The Wild In Me

A part of me wants to be in the circle, doing circle things. Sharing, circulating, listening, relating. I am woman, but am also coyote. I pace. The circle I make is the dancing blade-edge where firelight shimmers into darkness. From your seat close to the fire you peer out, seeing me laughing. It’s easy to thinking I’m laughing at you, but I’m just laughing because life is so crazy and beautiful and wise. I’ve always been a creature of edges, of places where two things meet, where they are learning if and how to be One. …… Not long ago, I had a dream. I was swimming in the ocean with a man. In ‘real life’ we had gone to grade school together. In the dream he was attractive and charming, making vulgar advances towards me. I rebuked him. I took this dream into my Journey Meditation. I asked the Ocean, “What do you want me to know?” She showed me how I am a tiny speck on the surface of soul, and what fathomless depths exist below my kicking feet. She wanted me to see that I was so much more expansive than I allowed myself to believe. She showed me how I believe the tiny speck has to ‘hold it all together’ when in truth, there is an ocean of Being, buoying me up. In my Journey, I also asked the man in my dream to reveal himself, truly. He peeled of his skin and became a sort of Pan God. His eyes were bright but his skin was ruddy. I asked, “Why have you come? What do you want? What I should know?”  He told me, “I need to be free, to roam, to play, to explore. I have been waiting for so long. And I am so lonely for you.” He is the piece in me that is pushes upward now, like a flower in bloom, like theI Ching. All my antennae tuned to the vibration of release, and freedom. I’ve been living one story for so long, and the wild in me has sat somewhat patiently in the corner. Now it is the wild’s turn. I release my identity, at least for now. At least for this moment. I find time and space away. The scent in the bloom of my heart speaks: my need for non-conforming life and unconventional living are far beyond what I think will be acceptable. …… We always like the idea of the wild. We like it as a concept-distant, disembodied. Now the yip-yip-howl of Coyote calls it in. All the places in you that you can’t quite inhabit, everything that won’t behave, won’t make sense, all your bad habits, all the ways you resist: this is your wild. This is the thing in you that won’t be possessed or tamed. Stop trying to tame it! Stop trying to make it fit the shape of your ideals. Let it off it’s leash. Stand up and dance your Coyote dance at the wild edge where darkness romances light. Arrive to your life in unapologetic celebration, checking your holistic intentions at the door. You won’t need them where we’re going. If you are a wild Coyote, if you are bored of domestication, email me. Let’s dance this crazy, wild and wise path together. There is a multidimensional pathway through which to heal what feels unhealed, and to reanimate what feels limp and lifeless.

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